A Better Marriage:
Five Ways to be a good husband or wife
Constructive Living reminds us that we can only improve ourselves. We can’t “fix” other people no matter how long or hard we try. So give up effort in trying to change your partner. If you want a better marriage do things that make you a more loving and thoughtful wife or husband.
Here are five practical techniques:
1. Become a world class listener. When your partner speaks shut down your inner monologue and respectfully really listen to what they are saying. Pay special attention if they mention likes/dislikes so that you can act on these when you can. Never interrupt.
2. Create family rituals/routines and do them together. E.g. Make the bed together each morning. Hold hands when you say a grace or blessing. Create a “Friday night Pizza and Movie”. Go to the Farmer’s Market together on the weekend.
3. Give to your partner. Give gifts, especially handmade (favorite cookies, a night at their favorite restaurant), Do “Secret Service” These are little surprises like filling up the car with gas, noticing that he/she has run out of a favorite soap and replacing it. Take care of something without mentioning it or taking credit. (An unpaid bill) If you “get caught” it’s okay to fess up. GIVE time to help them with projects. GIVE “Thanks” . . . . notice and thank specifically for little things as well as large. A wise man once said: “Give what you want to get.”
4. Touch.: Hug, kiss, hold hands, Massage feet and shoulders.
5. Offer to help them with their purposes. E.g. . . . wash his running clothes, buy her some special art supplies, etc.
All these suggestions are within your power. You don’t have to wait for your spouse to change. The simple act of really listening can open new lines of communication. Don’t assume because you’ve heard this story before that you know it’s importance. Ask questions to discover why they love to tell this story.
It is also a thoughtful thing to always consider the convenience of your spouse. Give them the tastiest piece of meat, the best seat at the table and the choice of what show to watch together.
The more you focus on what you can give your partner I predict the stronger your marriage can become.
Patricia Ryan Madson
El Granada, CA
May 20, 2023
