My own recovery is not what is on my mind today. This is an historic day when the Supreme Court did the right thing in affirming people's right to marry. Rainbows are everywhere and there is so much happiness that at last some force in our government is doing the right thing. I've changed my Facebook cover page to use a rainbow heart card I made a while back. In addition to this momentous announcement I watched our President, Barak Obama give the eulogy at the Church in South Carolina. At the end he sang Amazing Grace. This is one fine moment in American history. Quite a day.
I've promised updates on how I'm doing with my rehabilitation from total replacement hip surgery. Yesterday had some challenges, and as Susan Landor reminded me "recovery is not a straight line." The question I wanted answered by those who had gone before me was "how much pain is there?'
Well, I'd like to speak about that for a moment. Pain is a funny thing. It comes in many colors and from different directions. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an eternal optimist. But this journey does have some pain. Of course. I'm not trying to be brave or anything, but I'm trying to chose to use the strong meds responsibly so that I don't bring on the complications that arise from all the narcotic use. I have a pile of pills that I can take "as needed" for pain, for nausea, for itching, for constipation, etc. And, pain isn't necessarily acute physical anguish . . . it's more likely to be nagging, tired, weak and sore body parts. I am moving around the house doing ordinary things. But it is really hard. Really slow. I despair of when I'll be able to move with less drag, pain and such. While it is something of a miracle to be functioning fully, albeit at snail pace just four days from surgery, it is still tough sometimes.
Some of these first few days have been scary and discouraging. While I have everything I need, I fall into fears about some of the serious complications that can come up. All of the mountains of information that the hospital sends me home with is full of disclaimers about things that can go wrong after surgery. So, the slightest symptom and it's easy for my mind to go there. Post surgery is full of anxiety producing moments and generic fear of the unknown. And, another hard thing is that I have to ask Ron to do so much. I can't lift anything and I even need his help getting in and out of bed. He is so willing to help. I just have to learn how to accept it gracefully.
Today was a big milestone. I was able today to wash my hair. Woo hoo! After nearly a week of hospital ickiness and sweaty neck, etc my hair felt really greasy and unpleasant. I'm not allowed to take a shower until Sunday, I think it is, but today I realized that I could stand over my kitchen sink and using the hose wash my hair. Voila! Fluffy hair. Divine.
Life's little pleasures.
I am especially thankful for some good advice for an old and dear Stanford student, Akin S. He reminded me: "But often we are so busy convincing everyone around us that we're fine that we circumvent the necessary journey. So this is a gentle reminder that its okay & WONDERFUL to experience your recovery as a human & not worry about putting on a brave face."